6-5-22
Becoming the Pearl
I have been opening to calm and comfort as I face the transitioning of my beloved cat, Mickey. The loss of loved ones, for me, is filled with such a mix of suffering and blessings, pain and grace. I feel myself being ground by the sand. I feel myself being held securely by resource from within and without. I am trusting that I am the pearl in process of emerging and shining.
Trusting transitions feels scary and uncomfortable to me. Trusting the process of birth and death, ebb and flow goes against years of being taught to preserve physical life and value physical wealth above all else. Yet I know that these moments where the veil is thin have been opportunities for me to learn and grow in deep understanding of who we are as spiritual beings and truly experience that the indomitable force of love is greater than any man made physical manifestation.
Allowing and accepting the ebb of vital force at this end of life is a minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day process of awareness and adaptation right now. I am noticing the grief; the desire to hold on to the past and the physical form as well as the grace of connecting with the essence of love and the eternal being. I am noticing the fear of letting go of what was, and the fear of trusting what is emerging. Mentally I understand the wisdom of releasing the physical form that has lived its natural life course. Emotionally I am not finding it easy to slide into calm acceptance. I am learning to have compassion for this reality of being in human form...that one moment I am aligned and in the zone, connected with Love, and the next I am in fear, resistance, pain and suffering. Taoism and Buddhism have provided me with great guidance through these turbulent waters.
An important part of this process for me has been to allow myself to truly feel the grief, to cry, feel and express emotions as they arise and to reach out for resource and support. Self care (nutrition, walks in nature, salt baths, flower remedies, crystals and tapping) has been essential to maintaining balance and stability through the storm of emotions. I have painted a picture to remind me to ground and connect to resource and have it prominently place to look at often.
Releasing the belief that I need to take action and the urge to control the process has been necessary to navigating these stormy seas. through years of mentoring from Mickey's mother, my cat Serafina, (a blog for another day) I am learning that true healing comes from being able to align with higher self, sink in to calmness so that I can be inspired by the wisdom of that "still small voice". Autonony and Listening are key to maintaining balance in our physical and emotional health. I am still a work in progress, learning this truth at deeper and deeper levels through experience over time.
Day by day I am practicing surrendering the need to know and the need to control the outcome. I remind myself to refocus on supporting whatever the process is in this moment by grounding, calming and focusing on listening; connecting with our essence; focusing on love. Going through the eye of the needle, supporting the transition through this portal between worlds is filled with intense discomfort and amazing grace. As the pearl is a glistening gem produced within the soft tissue of the shelled mollusk, I aim to polish my shimmer in the soft tissue of love and acceptance that lives within the hard shell of physical existence.